


Here

by MurielJones



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-08 19:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurielJones/pseuds/MurielJones
Summary: It's the anniversary of Kevin's death, and neither Sam nor Dean can find an appropriate way to grieve.





	Here

**Author's Note:**

> Written super quick, wanted to see Sam and Dean being gentle with each other.

Anniversaries have a nasty way of opening wounds.  Sam tries not to look at his hands as he turns to another marked page in a book he isn't reading, instead he is trying to remember Kevin and not remember Kevin's death; no matter how many times he tells himself different Kevin is dead because of him.  But it’s Dean that Sam worries about.

Dean is hurrying through the library in the bunker, to the kitchen and another excuse for a private drink.  Sam puts down his own glass, pushes the book gently aside, stands up to stop Dean, he really doesn’t have an excuse, but he needs someone to reassure him, and his only remaining someone is Dean.

“It’s my fault.” Dean says; looks at Sam’s whisky, glances at the book, looks at Sam’s hands, imagines Sam’s hands wrapped around Kevin’s neck.

“No it’s not,” Sam counters, “It’s on Gadreel.” 

Dean doesn’t even try and pretend that’s true; instead he tries to push past Sam, to the kitchen, and hopefully some privacy.

“Dean?”  It’s sort of a question, not really, because Sam is enormous, and Sam has a hand on Dean’s arm and is pulling Dean back as Dean steps away; and off balance for a moment Dean is pulled into Sam's chest. For a moment Sam holds Dean chest to chest awkwardly against him, one hand clutching Dean’s arm, while with his other Sam pats Dean’s back gently, one, two, three times, then he loosens his hold on Dean; Dean for a moment stands still, and Sam lets Dean step back.

Dean for a moment pauses, as though he might stay, as though he might accept some comfort in his brother’s friendship, in offered kindness, he doesn’t but he doesn’t tug his arm away, instead he allows Sam's half open hand to slide down his arm; they briefly lock fingers before Dean is turning his back and walking to the kitchen.

Sam stands and waits for something, maybe he wishes he could have found something to say. Sam could have told Dean it wasn’t Dean’s fault because Dean was tricked, or because Dean was desperate, but he doesn’t say either of those; he also doesn’t say what he believes is the truth: it wasn’t Dean’s fault because Dean was for a moment innocent of the evil around them, and anyhow, it’s Sam’s fault. He could resist Lucifer, but he couldn't resist Gadreel; Kevin's death is on him.

Sam turns to sits but doesn't, he rests his hands on the table in front of him, then he carefully reaches for the book he wasn't reading, touching the places Kevin had marked, touching notes in enochian. Sam refills his glass;  he listens to Dean in the kitchen sifting through the fridge, hears beer bottles clinking and the click of a bottle opened. Sam sits and listens until he hears that sound again. Sam pours himself another glass of scotch, fills a second crystal tumbler with the good scotch that Kevin liked, balances both glasses easily in one large hand, picks up the book keeping his place marked with long fingers, joins Dean in the kitchen, passing Dean a glass, silently sitting beside Dean on the kitchen table, he reopens his book. Dean stays next to him. 


End file.
